One of the challenges working as a software developer is that friends and family tend to view 'tech' as an amorphous blob. Since I work 'with computers' I become the go-to person for anything remotely technical - including building websites, providing tech support, fixing hardware (the assumption being that I also know how to fix televisions and other consumer products). I even once had a friend ask me for help with his electric toothbrush. This has led to frustration and feeling like I'm trapped providing free labour. 95% of the time, all I am doing is Googling the problem, and following advice on a blog or YouTube video. People can do this - they just don't want to.

If you're like me, and find it hard to say no to people, these 'quick favours' quickly turn into nightmares. Evenings and weekends fill up, and people expect more and more from you. After many years of saying yes, I've learnt that the only solution is to get comfortable saying no. Friends and family don't like it in the short term, but it saves arguments or worse down the road.

I've often wondered why people don't expect free labour from other trades. My family doesn't expect my decorator uncle to come and paint their house for free, my friends don't expect our accountant friend to file their taxes pro bono, so why am I expected to provide my skills for free? I think a lot of it has to do with a poor understanding of tech roles - people underestimate just how much work goes into building a website, creating an MVP, or producing graphic design. Maybe this is Hollywood's fault? after all they tend to present coding as the rapid hammering of keys and a flurry of green characters across a screen to the sound of techno music. If only the reality was as exciting (and quick).

Over the years, I've noticed there seems to be an invisible hierarchy to 'quick favours': -> Family will expect free tech support -> Friends will expect free web / graphic design for their lifestyle business -> Colleagues will expect a free MVP built for their 'amazing idea'.

Unfortunately, these types of favour rarely have an end date - once I make the commitment, it's open ended and ongoing. If I provide tech support, I become the go to tech support person forever. The absolute worst are those who tell me 'what I did last time must have caused the new problem'. For websites, I will be constantly amending them, maintaining them, sorting out hosting... and of course if the site ever goes down, it's my fault, and I will get an urgent call from you. For MVPs, I will get trapped in an endless cycle of adding 'just one more feature', as the reality slowly dawns that their amazing idea may not be so amazing after all.

Over the years the years I developed coping strategies that avoided me having to say no directly. Here's a few of them:

• Doing such a bad job of it that family members think I'm incompetent and don't ask again.
• Responding quickly with 'sure, as a favour I'll give you 25% off my normal fee'.
• Politely trying to explain the differences between software development and TV repair.
• Hiding / not responding to requests.

... all of these tactics have been met with limited success, and often result in more stress than just doing the favour in the first place. The only thing I've found that works, is a simple no, the less explanation given, the better.

• Sorry no, I don't know how to do that.
• Sorry no, that will take too much time.
• Sorry no, I will have to charge you for that.

I will not do you a quick favour.